We all know that Valentine’s Day is mostly for women. If a guy tells you he is genuinely looking forward to Valentine’s Day, he’s doing 1 of 3 things:

• He’s lying.
• He believes he’s successfully planned something special for a woman he truly loves — or is trying to impress.
• He’s lying.

If you understand that, then you’ll also understand that it’s really easy for our female readers to save money on Valentine’s Day. Very simple. Do nothing. Don’t buy your man one single thing. Don’t take him anywhere. You don’t even have to wish him a Happy Valentine’s Day. Hey, let’s face it, you probably weren’t going to anyway.

It’s okay. Really. Guys don’t care. If your man happens to be 1 of the 7 guys on the planet that actually cares about this holiday, and he gets upset when you do nothing, guilt him into the majority by simply saying, “Why do you even care? You’re a guy. Right?” If that doesn’t work and he’s still upset, tell him you’re trying to really commit to saving money. If that doesn’t do the trick, and he uses the word ‘show’ or ‘express’ and the word ‘your’ and/or ‘love’ in the same sentence, well then, you should be delighted to know that you have a truly unique man. Tell him it was a test to see how much he really loved you and that he passed with flying colors.

Knowing that, if you’re a woman reading this, you don’t need to bother with the rest of this post. There’s nothing else for you to know about how to save money on Valentine’s Day. You’re excused. Thanks for reading!

Guys, you need to stick around. I have a 4-step program here that will help you to create a good Valentine’s Day without killing your wallet.

Step 1 — Don’t Be Stupid

If your woman says something like: ‘Valentine’s Day is stupid.’ or ‘Let’s not celebrate Valentine’s Day this year.’ or ‘Valentine’s Day is such a marketer’s holiday. Don’t buy me a thing.’ — consider yourself warned — THIS IS A TRAP. Don’t fall for it! Whatever you do, do SOMETHING.

There’s no doubt that Valentine’s Day is one of the silliest, most marketing-driven holidays that anyone could ever possibly conceive of getting people to celebrate. I wish I had thought of it, and I wish I owned all the flower and chocolate shops in the world — but only for the first 2 weeks of February every year.

We all know Valentine’s is BS. We all know you should show your love to your SigOth every day, not on special days. But that’s the genius of it. Cliche or no cliche, to ignore it is to fall right into the trap. If your relationship was a car, then ignoring this day would be the equivalent of ramming a shopping cart right into your own fender. As hard as you can. Right after getting a new custom paint job. Then scraping it down the entire side of the car. The newer it is, the more the damage stands out.

Now, your woman may absolutely mean it when she tells you that she doesn’t want you to do her anything for Valentine’s Day. At that time. The day after, when their girlfriends start talking about what their men bought them, where they went for dinner, and what they did for them, if you did nothing, you are stir-fried dead meat. Her jealousy instinct is going to kick in, and when this jealousy instinct kicks in, well, there is nothing more dangerous. You’ll have nowhere to hide. You brought it on yourself. Many an unhappy fool has let Valentine’s Day go unacknowledged after proving stupid enough to believe a woman who says she doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day.

Women know it’s totally ridiculous and superficial. But they love attention, surprises, and feeling loved more. So they may not care beforehand, but they will after.

Don’t fall for the trap. Don’t be stupid.

Step 2 — Save on Flowers

You don’t have to buy flowers. If things are tight, this might be a good one to skip. But flowers are a key to a great Valentine’s Day for her. On a side note, I actually encourage guys to buy flowers for their special lady at any time, especially when it’s not Valentine’s Day or her birthday. Think of it like pre-paid legal. It’s a get out of jail card. Next time you screw up, or she claims your not romantic enough, you might get off a little easier.

Anyway, here’s how to save on the Valentine’s Day flowers.

1. Buy them ahead of time. If you’re trying to save money and you walk into a flower shop on Valentine’s Day and ask for a dozen roses, I’d truly say you’re the biggest dummy in the world. Of course, there will be many dummies doing exactly this. Flower shops name their prices that day and your feet, wrapped in dollar bills, will be held to the flames. Order ahead of time, give yourself some time to comparison shop, and use discount codes. Right now, 1-800-flowers.com is offering 15% off.

2. Rose, Schmose. Sure, red roses symbolize love, but they also symbolize an overpriced tradition on a silly holiday. Many women TRULY mean it when they say they want their man to get them something for Valentine’s Day, and that anything will do, just anything but roses. Even though many flower shops are reducing their prices a bit this year due to the Great Recession, there’s no reason that you have to buy roses and buy even further into that lame tradition. Buy her favorite type of flower, or a mixed bouquet, instead. If her favorite flower happens to be roses, please reread #1, then check out Save On Flowers.

3. Get wild. If you live somewhere where you have the opportunity to pick wildflowers, get your hiking boots on.

Basically, if you are going to buy flowers, go order them now.

Step 3 — Save on Valentine’s Dinner

Many restaurants have been hurting, so they’re looking to capitalize on Valentine’s Day. Especially given the fact that it’s on a Sunday night this year.

Since it is on a Sunday, perhaps you can do a brunch or lunch instead. Most restaurants have less expensive brunch and lunch menus. If dinner is your thing, and you’re set on going out, then search around, check out Restaurants.com, and grab your local weeklies, or entertainment books.

Another option is to cook dinner at home. Get some champagne, some strawberries or rasberries, and cook her some of her a favorite dish or two. If you can’t cook, then buy some ToGo dishes, or a couple of appetizers from some restaurants, and present them nicely. You know, lay out the plates and light some candles. If you make it look nice, light some candles, and have some champagne or whatever she prefers to drink, you’re half way there.

Step 4 — Save on Gifts

Do you really need to get her a gift for Valentine’s Day? I guess it depends on your relationship. Don’t forget the card. Always get her a card. If nothing else, get her a card and make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Heart-shaped, of course.

But gifts? I guess some women expect jewelry. But if you want to save money, don’t buy jewelry. Instead, invest in making the day special for her. Do the unexpected. Get creative. Write her a poem or a song. Do extra housework, run errands for her, pamper her. Make your own card for her. Bake her some Valentine’s Day cookies. Go for a walk somewhere special and surprise her with a little mini-picnic.

Do something original for her and let her know how much you care about her. You don’t have to buy something expensive or spend a lot of money on going out in order to do that, and it’s probably what she really wants anyway.

With all that having been said, you can rarely go wrong with buying a woman chocolate.